Self-Love & Awakening: What It Really Looks Like

by Erika Kita

Suddenly, everything was beautiful.  

The way she viewed the world was nothing more but a reflection of herself

– r.m. drake

While being on this spiritual quest to truly love myself…I found myself and so much more that I could have never imagined in my wildest dreams.

A profound awakening.

Words cannot even begin to express what I experience and how I live my life nowadays…

I’m going to attempt to share a cliff notes version of what has occurred for me during and since my last mystical adventure.

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Something profound happened when I was in Bimini, Bahamas in December.  At the time, I really didn’t understand what was going on.  I still don’t fully in it’s entirety and I’m still unfolding and integrating from it all.

Prior to my trip I had began consciously connecting to Mother Earth and the elementals; asking Her to work with me and show me what I needed to see for my unfolding. Part of my intention was to connect to her Goddess energy.

They say that part of the legend of the lost city of Atlantis started to rise off the coast of Bimini and they call this Bimini Road.  Some say that it’s just natural bedrock and of course, I believe that it truly is the lost city of Atlantis (Atlantis was a land with very highly technological and spiritual beings, however, soon became overpowered by technology so Mother Earth took them down). I knew that I needed to go see it and feel the energies. That’s partly why I had felt called to go to Bimini.

Now I realize that I was led there by Mother Earth and Divine forces.

During the time I was there it was low season so not a lot of boats were going out to Bimini Road.  In fact, they told me that if nobody else signed up for the trip, it would be cancelled. The morning that the trip was scheduled I was the only one there and they said it was cancelled. 

Everything in my being told me that I had to go there.

I don’t typically take no for an answer easily and especially, not this time.  So I told them, I would just pay for the whole boat and we were off. 🙂

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As I was snorkeling and looking at the stones of Bimini Road, I wasn’t thinking much…just exploring and enjoying the experience.  Actually, I was paddling as fast as possible trying to see and cover as much as possible since Bimini Road is miles long (and to be honest I was still getting comfortable being out in the middle of the sea.  A little scary to be out there for too long :D).  I got tired really quickly.  When I got back to the boat something came over me and I needed to throw up which I proceeded to do over the boat…a couple times. 

My snorkel guides that were with me, both amazing men, didn’t understand what was happening.  I didn’t understand either…was I sea sick?  But I felt just fine earlier.  They were trying to talk to me and make me feel better and all I wanted them to do was stop talking and let me cry and experience whatever I needed to.  Overwhelming emotions of sadness came over me.  I said to them, I just need to cry…let me cry.  I cried my heart out.

Looking back, I really acknowledge these two men, David and Yoann, who both truly gave me the space to feel all of my emotions with their masculine presence and silence, at such a pivotal moment in my unfolding.  I know it’s not a coincidence that I was blessed to have them there.  I cried & expressed myself the whole boat ride back to land…

After getting back to land, I felt like I was just struck by lightning or electrocuted and I was in a daze.  It was really intense and hard core.  It literally felt like something had energetically assaulted my being and ruptured something. My whole body was vibrating intensely.  When I got back to my room, I started seeing bright lights and I couldn’t move the whole day from my bed.  It really took me out.  I was tripping out…blinking my eyes…was I seeing things? I felt like I was getting flashes into another world, dimension or something.

I haven’t been the same since that moment at Bimini Road.

Since then, my guides have shared with me that there is a connection to the deep core of Mother Earth there that is so powerful and She spoke to me in that moment.  I had tapped into a gridline, a fissure there and Her energy shot through me. It was intentioned, no accident – a direct connection of energetic fusion that was intended to be powerful  to actually break through, almost like it had to crack glass (that intense) and it completely transformed and changed me forever. 

Tears of profound awe & grace roll down my cheeks as I write and remember this magical, mystical moment…I am so humbled.

It was served to me for a purpose because I’ve been ready and I’ve been asking for this and the Divine forces placed me exactly where I needed to be, to experience this.

I chose this. 

I felt the calling and I followed my intuition that day.  I knew I had to go there…

It has sparked a life force in me and there is a fracture between the Erika I once was and who I am now…I was dissected & disemboweled in that moment – almost like a concussion, the old Erika fell away and departed to allow for this new being to emerge  – that has an energetic frequency & vibration that has the power to heal, can experience knowledge from the Universe that we would not be able to pick up but it’s like a tuning fork. There is no going back to the identity that I had. 

The tears that day were tears of grief for the dying of my old identity…she had been my best friend up until that point, however, wasn’t serving me anymore; her shoes were too small.  It felt like I was losing an old friend. During that time there was confusion in my soul because there was something that I felt was falling away and at the same time, a language of truth was being spoken to me; an awakening. 

My mortal coil was being sloughed off and my true self has since emerged and is unfolding.

The past couple months since then there has been this sense of…who am I now?  What happened…trying to recognize myself as Erika Kita but she’s not here.  The name, the label, the identity, the ego…all of that stuff which isn’t our true identity anyways…gone…

When I first came back to LA, I was relating to everything and everyone so differently. It was confusing and a mix of emotions and at the same time, I knew and trusted that it was all a part of the process for my unfolding.

My frequency and vibration has changed immensely; increased and with that comes a new consciousness and sensory ability that has been heightened (we have more senses than we have been told).  I feel everyone and everything around me and their energies on a whole new level (what we have labeled psychic or telepathic).  Not just in the physical world either.

“If you want to find the secrets of the Universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

– Nikola Tesla 

I’ve become a multi-dimensional being and a vessel for a higher consciousness (who we all truly are).  My intention, is to only hold the light for the highest of the high consciousness.

“Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness.”

– Eckhart Tolle 

I sometimes see, sense and talk to spirits and extra-terrestrials…what we may call aliens.  There are many forms of consciousness and beings out there that we cannot see with the physical eye (yet), however, we are surrounded by and constantly getting messages & information from telepathically whether you realize it or not.  Some of them are here to help guide us in our evolvement and some have very different intentions.

I am very intentional with what kind of energies I allow into my space both in the physical as well as spirit world (your intention is everything).

The spirit world is very real.

I have a connection to myself and my Higher Self, the Spirit within me, like I never had before and I lead my life from that consciousness and energy.

I experience different realities and dimensions.

I’ve experienced a transcendental love that I’ve always wanted and dreamed of and although I am not in that relationship in this physical world; I now know what kind of love is available to me and what I deserve.

I’ve learned how to create healthy boundaries not only in this physical world, but also with the spirit world.  I’ve had non-benevolent (what we may call “bad”) spirits coming at me and I’ve had to learn how to deal and respond to them and really discern what is pure and what is not and also, what is real and what is not real in this world.

At first, I was scared…I mean who wouldn’t be! Some of them really looked like monsters. The more scared I was though, the more they would come after me and their energies would affect me.  When I shifted my intention & focus to loving them and connecting to their souls…it was amazing and beautiful; they shifted forms & melted before my eyes (well my 3rd eye at least). The real soul in them would come out, the one that was just hurting and needed to truly be seen and loved (just like human beings).

I’ve been going through a test of sorts these past couple months.  With this new consciousness, frequency and light that I can now hold…with it comes more responsibility. It’s not about feeling amazing and thinking positive all the time as most people think “awakening” is.

The Universe has been testing me. Are you sure? Are you really sure that you can hold this frequency and are you really ready for this? Show us…Can you deal with this? How are you going to deal with this one…A lot of weird shit has been happening to me which I don’t even have the time or space to describe and I’m going to be real, it’s been tough and scary sometimes.  It’s through these experiences though that you grow the most…through the pain, the trials and tribulations.  There is always a gift and a lesson in everything you go through if you are paying attention and are aware.

It gets easier and easier the more you embrace the pain, the discomfort, the unknown…all the things that we would normally not want to move towards or face.  That’s the way…to liberation.  Through the pain.

“The cure for the pain is the pain.” – Rumi 

This is life…It’s a game and you are the game master.

Life throws you these twists and turns to see how you are going to respond to it.  How you respond to it dictates which way you are going to go and how much your soul is going to expand, grow and what kind of life you get to live…how free you get to be, truly.

Are you going to be a victim or are you going to honor The Creator in you and create your reality?

Thought creates your reality.

Thoughts are energy.

Your intention in anything creates and dictates how it’s going to go.

Everything, comes down to choosing between love or fear

I’ve learned on a whole new level and depth that love, truly conquers all

Love is the highest vibration and energy that can transcend anything.  

These past months I’ve disconnected myself from all my friends and even family for a while, only interacting with people when I absolutely have to, for work.  I need this space and time right now for myself as I acclimate into this new being and these new worlds/realities that I experience.

Also, I want to get to know and cultivate this new being that I am, without any influence from the outside world.  For so long, I was always looking outside of myself for the answer, for approval, for acceptance, for love…

Now, I only listen to myself and Spirit within me and I’m not looking outside of myself for anything.  

It’s all within me.  

I’m taking care of me, truly taking care of myself and my soul for the first time in my life. Holding myself sacred because I am sacred.

Right now is my time to journey “alone”.

I spend my time alone a lot.  I love being alone.  In fact, I would rather spend time alone in nature than be around people.  I’m never lonely or bored because I have this connection to the Spirit within me and all of my Spirit guides and angels – I am never alone.

We all, are never really truly alone.

I’ve found that there is so much knowledge and wisdom within me that is stored in my genes (in all of us).  The only way we can access this treasure chest is by learning the art of stillness and silence.

“To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul.  To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.”

– Deepak Chopra

I used to go outside of myself for energy work or help from different guru types and I’ve found that so much more is available to me, to all of us, if we just looked within and connected to the Spirit within us. Trust yourself.

God is a frequency that exists within us, we just need to tune in.

There is wisdom and magic in us that nobody can teach us.

We can only teach ourselves and nobody can do it for you.  

Actually, you are only remembering who you really are.  Everything you want to be, you already are.  We just have to remember…

It takes a willingness to look at the deepest, darkest parts of yourself and face them continuously and take responsibility for yourself and your life…over and over and over again.

This healing path is not a straight line; it’s a spiral.  You continuously come back to things that you thought you understood or have gotten over and see deeper and deeper truths.

It takes a willingness to call bull shit on yourself and truly look at the truth…the truth usually isn’t that pretty.

This is what I do, every day.

There was a shallowness in me before where I would avoid the depths of my soul, even though I didn’t think I was. Now the only place that I am comfortable being in, is the deep end…

“If you want to see the truth, you must be brave enough to look.”

–  Rune Lazuli 

To some of you it may sound not so fun but when you start to do this and truly start embracing & loving your shadow self…only then can you experience true joy, true exaltation, true freedom, magic and the secrets of this mystical multi-verse. A whole new world opens up…we are so much more than we have been taught and there is so much more out there than this make believe world that we have been made to believe is solid and real…

When you can embrace the darkness in yourself, you can transcend and embrace the darkness in anything.  

That’s true power.  

Everyday is a new adventure and unfolding for me in my evolvement.

My primary focus now is my evolvement and connection to Spirit within me.  Everything else comes second to that.

I know that this is the way that I can best serve humanity because as my frequency and light increases, the communication that I send out into the world through my energy will make much more of a profound impact than any achievement or money that I make in the material world.

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I am clear that we are here to evolve.  Period.

If I’m doing anything other than evolving, then I’ve forgotten my purpose here. Most of us have forgotten what we came here to do. We are all part of a Divine plan and order.

Do you remember? 

We are evolving as a species as we speak…remembering who we truly are.  We are eternal…we never “die”.  We may lose our physical form, however, our soul lives on and keeps going on the journey of their evolution and eventually ascension (depending on your willingness to truly take responsibility for yourself and do what it takes to evolve).

Know that your loved ones who have “died” are truly with you when you “call” them. Their soul is right here with you. I have many friends on the other side… 🙂  They help guide me too.

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“You carry Mother Earth within you. She is not outside of you.  Mother Earth is not just your environment.  In that insight of inter-being, it is possible to have real communication with the earth, which is the highest form of prayer. “

Thich Nhat Hanh 

We need to remember our connection to our Mother…Mother Earth, the Goddess energy.  She feels your energy and vibration and gives you what you need, even more so if you ask for it…with honor and reverence.

We’ve lost our connection to Nature and in so doing we have lost our connection to ourselves.

We are Nature. 

We are repeating our history of the Atlanteans…a time where they let technology over-rule their spirit and Mother Earth took them down (our true history has not been revealed to us).

Mother Earth allows…we are her children…however, she will take action if we keep treating our land and Her, the way we have been, with no respect.

Honor Her and She will honor you.

This multi-verse that we live in is filled with so much mystery and magic and we have so much magic within ourselves just waiting to be accessed. They didn’t teach us in school who we really are and what it really takes to live a life you love and are truly fulfilled in.  

It takes disconnecting from the world as we know it and a willingness to look at yourself and redefine your reality and reality as we know it.

Everybody is so stressed out trying to figure out how to be better, more peaceful, more free…it’s all right here at our fingertips.  It’s all within our own biology and it doesn’t cost a thing.

You don’t need a strategy.

You don’t need a plan.

You just need to connect to your soul & Spirit and allow the Universe to flow through you. 

I’m no longer trying to “get anywhere”…I’m listening to the signals of the Divine forces of Nature that surround me and are within me, allowing Spirit to flow through me and following the magic.

I’ve surrendered myself to the Divine.

Right now is my time to journey for my soul expansion and feel & connect to the energies of the ancients, the Goddess and Mother Earth in different parts of the world. They communicate to me. I am so guided and I know that as I journey with the intention of my evolvement and connect to Mother Earth, new awareness will be given to me for my soul expansion & unfolding.

I finally love myself…fiercely…and I know that my connection to my Higher Self; the Spirit within me, sets the tone and standard for my life and in so doing, the world…because…

I AM the Universe.

I am so humbled and grateful.  

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. 

“Don’t you know yet?  

It is your light that lights the world.”

Rumi

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